Tent Zippers

Is it wrong to laugh hysterically when your children are in distress?

Laugh until you cry?

Laugh so hard you all but pee your pants?

Laugh so hard that you are physically unable to help them for a full three minutes?

And then make them sit there while you run fetch a camera to document their predicament?

Is that wrong?

If so I am a bad, bad mama.

This afternoon I rounded my kids up from the backyard to send them off for quiet time. They had been playing in a tent their father set up for them. After they both were in the house it started to rain so I sent Roo back out to close up the tent.

Thirty seconds later I heard, “Mama! Maaaaaammmmmmaaaaa!”

When I peeked under the vestibule, this is what I found . . .

Yup. She sure did. Zipped her hair right up in the zipper.

That was when I started laughing.

And trying not to pee my pants.

And went to fetch the camera.

I made her sit there while I took eleven pictures.

She maintained a very good sense of humor even with her twisted mother laughing hysterically at her and repeating, “Hold still! Just one more!” while snapping away, setting changes and all.

And then I set her loose. Without the aid of scissors.

Laughing hysterically,
D

Message from Roo

 

 

So about a  month ago life arranged itself so that my husband had the children and I was out doing my thing . . . by myself. Let’s make a note of that . . . by myself. There was no one under five feet tall with me. In fact, there was no one over five feet tall either. It was a momentous occasion.

Anyway, when I returned home I checked our phone messages and there was a message from G . . . short and sweet and to the point.

“I love you, Mom.”

No mincing words here.

This message was followed by a message from Roo. Through the fuzz and static of a poor cell connection I hear her sweet, high-pitched little voice telling me the following:

“I just wanted to let you know that I love you too, Mom and the – the one before this one was from G. This one’s from R. I lo- I mostly just love you – when y – uh – you are actually not crabby ’cause I think I mostly just like happy people. I just wanted to let you know that, Mom. Bye!”

That last sentence was so perky and upbeat it is beyond my limited descriptive ability.

You know I’m saving that message forever . . . and you know I listen to it at least once a week.  We’re supposed switch phone companies next month. I can’t let that happen. I’d lose the message.

In fact, if we ever move I’m keeping our phone number and voicemail so I can listen to it and laugh when she’s 14 and 25 and 46 and 59.

Blue Eyes

Dear Roo,

I found out I was pregnant with you on Daddy’s and my 2nd wedding anniversary. That day also happened to be Daddy’s 33rd birthday. We lived in a tiny house with one very tiny bathroom. The conversation went something like this:

Me:  “Happy Birthday, honey!”

Daddy: “Thanks.”

Me: Pause. Pee on a stick. Wait.

Me:  “Uh, honey, I think I’m pregnant . . . “

In hindsite I probably should have waited until Daddy was out of the shower to make the announcement so I could see his reaction. As it was all I got was . . .

(Silence.) Prolooooonged silence.

Me again:  “Honey?”

and again:  “Hello?”

He knew we were trying to get pregnant. He just had no idea it would happen the first time we tried. He was in shock.

That’s ok. Telling Auntie K made up for it. She was beside herself . . . there were happy shrieks, a lot of talking, maybe some happy tears . . . now that I think about it I probably should have waited to tell her in person, too. That way maybe I would have understood at least part of what she said.

But I digress.

I spent approximately 282 days pregnant. Give or take. I know because I kept track of the weeks – and then the days – on the shower wall with finger paint.

And then my water broke.

And then we got to bring home this:

The best prize EVER!

(Some details of the event may have been censored to preserve my dignity and keep Daddy from having to relive the trauma of labor and delivery.)

Ooooo – may baby girl! Where is that box of tissue?!?

And you grew and you smiled and you slept (occasionally) and you screamed (a lot) and your eyes were that common newborn dark blue.

But here’s the freaky thing.

They stayed blue.

Blue!

Not once, not one single blessed time during the 282 days you were jumping around in my uterus; not once during all the “I wonder what she will look like?” conversations; not one single time ever did I imagine that my olive drab eyes and Daddy’s hazel eyes would produce a blue-eyed child.

But they did.

Courtesy of two of your greats, Gran Gran and John. One from Daddy, one from me.

And lest your brown-eyed brother think I’m glorifying blue eyes I had no (read zero, zip, zilch) preference or hope about eye color. I assumed your eyes would be a lovely shade of either green or brown.

I was wrong. 

Instead, I’m left in awe of genetics.

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

I love you to your bones, Roo Roo.

Mama

P.S. We told Grannie Pie and Pawpaw you were on the way in the airport parking lot when they came up to visit that September. We pronounced Grammie a grandmother with flowers.

The wedding is off!

This is G.
 
G
 
Isn’t he cute?
 
This G does not belong to me, he belongs to my friend J And her husband.
 
When my girl child went off to kindergarten she and G became friends rather quickly. Within a matter of weeks they decided to get married.
 
Initially it was a topic they discussed at length. Soon enough however it simply became a fact of their little lives and they treated it accordingly. They even went so far as to name a few of their children. I think there is a Lucy in the bunch but I could be mistaken.
 
Over the course of the 18 months following this life altering decision the topic of R and G’s future came up at our house frequently and randomly enough for it to be clear that it is a subject about which the girl invested some serious time pondering.
 
For example, she and I were engrossed in laundry or some other exciting household task one day when out of the blue she asked, “When G and I get married will our kids have his last name or my last name?”
 
On one occasion she approached me concerned about whether they would live with us (her dad and me) or with G’s parents. I explained to her that married people generally don’t live with their parents if they can help it. At least not in this country. That left her thinking maybe marriage wasn’t all that great.
 
Nearly  a year later the conversations were still occurring . . .
 
Upon leaving a petting zoo one day R announced that she wanted to live on a farm and have goats of her own. (Never mind that three days earlier she was planning on being a dolphin trainer.) We affirmed her career plans and discussed living in the country for a minute or two and continued to mosey on our way.
 
Not 30 seconds later she nodded to herself, looked up at me and said, “We could live in the country and that would be fine because G could be a fireman.”
 
Until that sentence popped out of her mouth G’s name had not come up in conversation all day.
 
Clearly the girl is a planner.
 
Sadly R’s father and I had to put a stop to the wedding plans this spring.
 
One evening a couple of months ago R’s future in-laws came over for dinner. During the course of consuming large quantities of pizza G’s father asked G to tell me about his updated career plans. G confidently announced, “I’m going to have kids and be a stay at home dad.”
 
“Oh, so sweet!” I thought. To G I said, “G If you want to stay home with your kids that is just great.”
 
At this point R’s future father-in-law asked G to clarify for me the timeline for his plans.
 
Bright eyed and nodding for emphasis G looked up at me with his intense and earnest little face and said, “I’m going to have kids right when I’m done with high school.”
 
Up shot my eyebrows.
 
“Really?”
 
“Well, I’m sorry, honey. R won’t be available until at least ten years after that. I’m afraid the wedding is off. You’ll have to find someone else.”
 
 
R and G seem to be handling the change to their plans well. I like to think it is because they respect my adult / parental authority. Unfortunately I think it has more to do with the approaching “the opposite sex has cooties” phase.
 
We may have to revisit this in six or seven years when hormones start wreaking havoc on our lives. At that point I will probably have to break the news to R that getting married involves a tad more than holding hands and dancing in a circle.
 
If I’m lucky, however, she may still believe that when a boy and a girl kiss they have to get married. That might not be so bad.
 
We’ll just hope she is really picky about whom she kisses.

Fancy Beans

There is no recipe included in this entry.

Just want to clear that up for those of you who may be under the false impression that I cook anything more than that which is essential to prevent major malnutrition.

Or at least starvation.

Anyway, this is about the origin of beans according to my (at the time) rapidly approaching seven-year old daughter. The conversation went like this:

Roo (in her best authoritative lecturer in training voice):  “Mama, did you know that beans naturally come from Mexico?”

Mama:  “They do? What kind of beans? Coffee beans? Cocoa beans?”

Roo (in the same a.l.i.t. voice):  “No. Just beans with fancy names like . . . . . . . . . . . like refried.”

Something tells me there are some gaps in this child’s education. With what shall we begin . . . cultural sensitivity or cooking classes?

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